Not long ago I discovered something that all of a sudden everything, well not everything but things that filled in the gap of why I never felt like I belonged in my family. I can’t tell you why I was told this little piece of knowledge but it helped me to see things in a different prospective and help me see things in all new light, I was told that not only was I an accident when I was conceived but my mother wanted to give me up for adoption.

I always felt like I didn’t belong not only in my family, always being the outcast but I also felt I never belonged in this world. Like I had no place, just like a puzzle, where every piece had a place for the whole picture making sense of the world you put together in front of you. Like that of a puzzle, I felt I was an extra piece that was thrown into the box by accident and it was obvious that I didn’t belong in the complete picture of the scheme of things in this world I was forced to live in growing up. Just like I was born an accident, I felt I didn’t fit in anywhere in the entire scheme of things in this world and I certainly was not wanted. I didn’t ask to be brought into this world, but growing up I always had the sinking feeling like I was always burdened and treated like I was never wanted in my family, if it was on purpose or subconsciously, that is how I felt my whole life by people who were suppose to love me but didn’t.

“We cannot choose where we come from but we can choose where go from there. I know it’s not all the answers but it was enough to start putting these pieces together…”

-The Perks of Being A Wallflower-

I didn’t have the answers, but I knew that I couldn’t be defined by my family and where I came from because it was a place I never belonged and knew I would never belong, so I knew I had to find my own place in this world. Knowing that the only world I will belong in would be the world I create myself, a world where those who I allowed to influence my very exist, would no longer be in my new world. As I picked up the broken pieces from my life, I slowly repaired and placed the pieces back together my way. Knowing that my old self had to die to make room for this new girl to exist her way in her new world. Doing what I needed to do to make myself happy, and that meant that in my new world, I knew that the only person that mattered and had a say in my life and how it would be defined was going to be me and me alone. Realizing that I have accepted myself for who I am, I am proud of who I am becoming and for those who don’t are no longer welcomed in my life, knowing that the right people who accept me for me without conditions will be welcomed into my world.