As I graduated Junior High, I moving out of my grandparent house at the end of the summer and moving in with my father. Truth be told, I moved in with my father as a threat to get my mother to let me move back home in Las Vegas with her but of course to no avail I ended up in San Diego.

There was a time I was happy, not truly happy with my appearance but happy to some extent finding it when and any way I can. For a long time I didn’t know or cared what future held for me. Finding out what I know now, knowing my parents had me unexpectedly and recently learning that my parents wanted to give me up for adoption. I knew my parents loved me to some degree, but was never treated as how my other siblings were treated. I have always felt like an outcast compared to the others, never receiving words of encouragement and attention I craved growing up. I have reached a point where I didn’t care anymore what happened to me, or where my path would lead to be it good or bad because at the time to me it made no difference.

I often had wonder how things would have turned out if only my parents did give me up for adoption. I know I would have been in a family that actually wanted me, but then the question arises about Mikaela. The question wasn’t if they would have loved, cared, or even if I would have had the support and encouragement I longed for from my own parents. The question is, as Mikaela would they still given me everything I ever longed for growing up, but some how I like to believe they would have been there too. I always longed for the support that my friends and even my siblings have gotten, even when I failed at something to be told that it was okay and that I tried my best, instead I got the opposite. Even when I accomplished something I was never noticed, just when my fails arose was when they acknowledged me. Always feeling like an out casted in the family, I began to withdrawal and isolate myself and anytime I was emerged in some family function I would grew anxious and do what I could to keep to myself just to not draw any attention to myself. I always feared that one wrong word or action I would be the center of criticism, even to this day with my mother I had to walk on egg shells not to get into it with her, but to no end we always do because I say something she takes personal or vice versa and we end up yelling at each other.

Well anyways before I get to off base of where I’m heading with this, let’s get back on track. I always longed for some kind of support and genuine love for who I was and I got that from out of nowhere a family that took me under their wing and watched over me. I just started high school and that first week I met the one who was to become my best friend then and to this day still my best friend. Skateboarding was what brought us together, and instantly we hit it off that I was invited over for dinner at his parents house. That would be the night that I felt welcomed into a home and felt like I finally fitted in somewhere, even though I had just met this family it just felt like the right place for me. Michael and I grew into great friends (more like a brother) and as that friendship grew I also became part of the family, a family I always longed to have growing up I finally was part of it. They say “Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs. The ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what. “ I found it to be true in so many ways. I had a family that cared, after ever track meet, every football game, and anytime they found out that I had an event at school like a speech or debate tournament, they would always be the first to call or when they saw me ask me about it. If I did well they would acknowledge it and if I failed they would still be proud of me for trying. The positive reinforcement I was receiving really changed my frame of mind, I for once in my life I cared about what I was doing, where I was going, and how I was going to get there, for once in my life I thought about my future and cared about which path I was on in my journey in life. They taught me what it meant to be family, and when my son was born I knew I would try my best to be a good father because I had a great father figure that I learned from, uncle Jay. The Helmantolers may not been family by blood yet are the only family I know, and to me they are always be the strength, the strength that never allowed me to give up in life and be the best version of myself.