Looking back on my life all I could remember was growing up with this pain that dwelled deep within, every time I looked in the mirror I didn’t see myself but an image of the part I was to play on this world stage of life. Having to wake up every day to play this character I was never meant to play, knowing at a young age that I needed for me to be re-casted into a more fitting roll in this life. So I find myself only to conform into the part I was given to fit into what was expected from me in society, not only in society was I expected to play this part but also my family. Growing up in a mostly male dominate culture along with being catholic, I felt I had no choice but to play by the rules to be so-called “normal”. So afraid to be my true self, I reluctantly accepted the role I was doomed to play my whole life.

Growing up I was told that I was supposed to be a certain way, so any time that my mannerism remotely resembled that of a girl I was told to act like a man. As I was constantly being bombarded with, “A boy doesn’t do that.” and “Don’t act like a girl be a man.” Even when I was growing up at my grandparent’s house for a period of time, therefore I grew up for a period of time with my aunt and uncle. My uncle would spend their time teaching how to play sports, because that is what we as “boys” are supposed to do, my uncles where starting quarterbacks so it was expected to be someday to follow in their footsteps and play football and along with football, I was excepted to play other sports as well. Of course not to be out casted from my family and having the need to fit in of course I followed the rules that were required for me, when all those time I preferred the time spent with my aunts and longing to be like them opposed to having to be like my uncles. So at this point I felt there was nothing I could change the outcome of what was in store for me, having not yet fully understanding my feelings and if there was even a name for what I was going through, all I knew I did not feel at ease in my own body and what was expected of me.